The journey begins

Last Friday I finally did it. I managed to get an appointment with the endocrinologist and met with him. There's nothing much to talk about what he said. But the experience was good. It gave me a sense of mission, that finally I was taking proactive steps. I was a little nervous initially, and almost missed my appointment because I couldn't make up my mind on the fastest mode of transport to his clinic. Finally, I arrived. The whole appointment lasted only 10 minutes. He asked me who I was, who had referred me to him and whether I was already on T. Then he just did some routine check-up. He insisted that I get my ovaries removed, which I firmly but politely declined. It's not that I'm scared or something, but it's just that I don't want to rip my body apart more than I really require it. And many trans bros have not yet got the procedure done.
What transpired was that I came to know that the immediate effect of getting a mastectomy done is that there is a significant drop in the Estrogen levels in our bodies, because a majority of the estrogen is either secreted or stored (I don't remember exactly) in that part of a female body. This came as news to me, and I was glad about it. This means that my body was already moving on the right direction.
However, he declined to prescribe any treatment to until I brought him the results of some tests that he had asked.
Another shocking discovery was that my weight had jumped to 71 kgs from a mere 62 kgs, without any noteworthy changes in my eating pattern. This, I believe, is the sign that there is some hormonal change already happening in my body. He then sent me off to a dietician to advise me a high protein diet.
Sadly, I haven't got the tests done, since I have neither the money and nor the time. So nothing much will happen till them. I am mostly pre-occupied with worries about my future...what will happen of me?
Getting a little philosophical, a little brooding.. Will I die alone? How will my life as a man be? What kind of a man will I be— A hot guy with rippled body, macho and hot, the pin-up guy? Or some wimp? Thoughts never seem to exist? ...What is this- self doubt, fear of the future? or an effect of the hormonal havoc?